Marriage in Islam

A successful marriage requires love and understanding. Success in marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate, but through becoming the right mate. Marriage is not a noun(kata nama); it’s a verb(kata kerja). It isn’t something you get. It’s something you do.


In Islam, marriage is not compulsory and a Muslim has the right to live a single life if he or she wishes to. One example is Jesus(pbuh), who neither married nor had any children. However, marriage is an act of Sunnah in Islam and is highly recommended. The Quran says:

"And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your hearts. Undoubtedly in these are signs for those who reflect." (QS 30:21)

The consent of both the man and the women is an essential element of marriage, and the Quran gives women a substantial role in choosing their own life partners. It lays down:

"Do not prevent them from marrying their husbands when they agree between themselves in a lawful manner." (QS 2:232)

A marriage should be conducted through a contract and a mandatory sum of wealth provided to the bride, which refers as mahr. The bride is to consent to the marriage of her own free will. The Quran clearly says:

"O you who have believed, it is not lawful for you to inherit women by compulsion."(QS 4:19)

Islam refers a marriage as a solemn covenant or agreement between husband and wife(QS 4:21) put down in writing, signed and agreed by both parties. Since no agreement can be reached between the parties unless they give their consent to it, marriage can be contracted only with the free consent of the two parties.

Amongst the tacit acceptance conditions agreeable are the men becomes the breadwinner, while the women are responsible for taking care of the household. Sharing of responsibilities are encouraged in Islam. There are many hadiths that shown the good examples of how the Prophet(pbuh) helped with the house chores. Sex is the ultimate expression of love and is a total physical and emotional encounter. In a brief but beautiful expression the Quran refers, to this relation between husbands and wives saying:

"They are your garments and you are their garments." (QS 2:187)

The sexual intimacy between husband and wife is more than seeking a relief from the urge of desire. Indeed, the prophet taught that it is one of the charities in Islam. He said to his companions, enumerating examples of charitable deeds:

"And when the one of you makes love (has sex) it is a rewardable charity. "

His companions were surprised and asked him' 'How come the one of us answers the urge of his desire and out of this gets the reward of a charity. To which the prophet answered:


Don't you see that if he does the same but in a forbidden situation it would be counted against him as a sin? And so if he does it in legitimacy it is counted for him as a charity." (HR Muslim)

Taking care of each other needs is another prerequisite requirement in married lives. The Prophet(pbuh) gave an analogical example(I REPEAT, ANALOGIGAL EXAMPLE) about consenting to a husband request even if on a camel back to his Companion regarding sexual demands from married partners. This is to show the caring affections of how married couples have to adhere in order to achieve a successful marriage life.

This is clearly not an edict or order in Islam but an analogy that the Prophet(pbuh) had given. It simply indicates how prudent and sensible to cater for each other needs once a couple is married. Husband and wife shouldn't withhold the needs of their spouse and it work both ways. If the game of withholding starts in a family, all hell run loose. How to lead a peaceful and happy married life like that? As the Prophet(pbuh) reminds us in many hadith:

“Admonish your wives with kindness.”

Wallahu'alam